Greetings all! Welcome back "Inside the Master-Mind!" I am back with another powerful topic that needs to be discussed. Let's talk about the common mistake of calling "Self Confidence," "Self Esteem." I will give definitions and descriptions of what makes these two different and why we should all be working towards more Self Esteem instead of Self Confidence!
One day I was looking back over my life and my various transformations and I had a revelation. Before, I never had self esteem; I only had confidence in myself and my abilities. I have always thought of myself as beautiful, I always knew I was intelligent enough to pass the test in school... But I have NEVER had a high self esteem. I have heard people tell me I have had a high self esteem because they were mistaking my confidence for esteem. Listen up..
Growing up, I had a less than perfect childhood. It was non traditional all the way. No father, raised by my mother has a single parent and I was a WILD one... You hear me? It came from early childhood trauma but that is another topic for another day. I was used to having things my way because I grew up never lacking material things. But what I did lack was a good grasp on love (in all its forms) and self esteem. I was intelligent, beautiful and outgoing. The boys chased and I picked who I wanted and smiled back at every smile that was sent my way. All of this "attention" fed my ego which fed my CONFIDENCE. All the while, I was lacking and further hurting my ESTEEM. Okay, let's continue...
What is Self Confidence, anyway?
I have noticed that a lot of us use words in the wrong context. We say things based off what we think they mean instead of giving their true meaning. This makes many of the words in the english language, very watered down, with no sustenance. Because of this, I have done the search of getting the true meaning of a couple of words that I will list below.
Confidence- full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance.
Confidence is temporary. Confidence comes from looking good, feeling good, having your university degrees, having nice things and is all about the way your feel about your CURRENT STATE. Your CONFIDENCE will change based on how you are feeling about yourself at any giving time. With confidence, if you feel you have not properly prepared for something, you could start lacking the confidence to see it through to the end.
Well, What is self esteem?
Self-esteem is more stable and "when in doubt." Self-esteem is developed, self confidence is gained through study and reassurance. Self esteem is our personal power and our ability to raise above any situation, no matter how damaging to the ego. Self esteem runs deep and should never run out when faced with adversity. Let's check out the definition:
It refers to an individual's sense of his or her value or worth, or the extent to which a person values, approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes him or herself (Blascovich & Tomaka, 1991). While the construct is most often used to refer to a global sense of self-worth, narrower concepts such as self-confidence or body-esteem are used to imply a sense of self-esteem in more specific domains. It is also widely assumed that self-esteem functions as a trait, that is, it is stable across time within individuals.
So, yes, it is possible to have confidence in yourself without having a solid foundation of liking or fully approving yourself (esteem). It is important that we sit with ourselves and find out if we are truly esteemed or if it is just confidence peaking through and will fade over time?
I have created a quick free resource guide to developing your self esteem! Check it out here.
Let us know your thoughts below! Do you feel you are lacking in esteem and are more confident based? Could you use an esteem boost?